WHO'S ON YOUR TEAM

I've always found it ironic that people will join a team, set goals to accomplish something and then fight with the very people that can help them accomplish the goals. I think we do that as coaches. I'll be the first one to admit that it's a weakness of mine.

How can you make sure your team doesn't fall apart because of petty disagreements or differences of opinion? I'm not sure I know enough to have the final say on what works and what doesn't but here's what I've learned so far:

1. Have the courage to approach disagreements head on.
Whether you are the leader or the follower you have to be willing to deal with differences of opinion. If issues are unresolved and you keep them bottled up you'll never work effectively. You may even be tempted to voice them to people outside of the team or coaching circle and that's when the real problems start.

2. Recognize the nature of disagreement and don't see them as a negative.
I used to think that anyone that disagreed with me was wrong. I was ready to defend my opinions at the drop of a hat. I had to learn that disagreement was healthy and if handled correctly could be a great stepping stone in building a team.

First of all you can't fear differences of opinion. They are the natural outcome of bringing individuals together. No two people have had the exact same experiences so everybody will look at the world just a little different. Building a team means you talk about your differences in a way that, when your done, you understand the other person's point of view, respect their right to have an opinion, and then find a way to make the difference of opinion a strength rather than a weakness.

3. Don't become defensive.
I believe it is a skill or a God given trait to not be defensive. Think for a second about what your opinions are. They are what you believe because of your experience and teaching. Are they you? Do they dictate who you are? If the answer is yes, then you probably get defensive every time someone challenges your opinion because they are attacking "you".

My wife gets the credit for kick starting my change of attitude. I was talking to her about how I was tired of getting everyone mad every time I talked to them. She said, "You should fight for correct principles, not opinions." That did it for me. There are things worth fighting for but my pride isn't one of them.

If you are going to be a good team member you have to let your pride take a hike. If you have a solid foundation of correct principles you can listen to other people's opinions, compare them to the principles you know and then deal with them in a productive way. Again, getting defensive is just pride at work and it will tear your team apart. Believe what you believe but be willing to change if what you believe is wrong.

4. Never leave a discussion angry or on the defensive.
This is great advice no matter what your doing. If you can avoid becoming angry and defensive that's always the best road but if things get heated, don't allow the conversation to end without letting the other person know you respect them and their willingness to have an opinion. Most importantly, you must recommit yourself to the goals of the team. It is possible to fundamentally disagree with someone and still be great teammates that respect each other.

Teams win when individuals can't because teams go through the process of growth that comes from melding opinions and then approaching their goals together.